Christmas cheer isn't always cheery

Christmas time is such a special time for children. Just like last year we want our daughter to have special Christmas memories. She REALLY wanted to hang the Christmas lights outside and wanted to physically help do it all. She was so happy. And I was crying. Crying because Grandma sent pictures of the homemade nativity scene she made for Madeleine. At the cemetery she has a poinsettia and mini tree too. It's so beautiful. I love it and hate it at the same time. How did this happen to our family? I'm still in denial. I can't believe my baby is gone. It hurts so much there are no words to describe it. I miss her so badly I'm paralyzed. Today was tough.