So Far So Good

This morning I was reminded how lucky we are.

This morning

This morning we talked, we laughed, we nursed, and Madeleine fell asleep in my arms and I got to hold her and kiss her in my arms and thank God for her. Everything is just as it should be if we were not in the hospital, with nurses and doctors checking in on us; and if Annalise was with us to also smile at Madeleine and for me to hug both my girls. We are so blessed and at times I forget that because we're not home and I miss my other baby terribly. I know she's in good hands, it's just I want her in mine.

For the last 2 & 1/2 days we had limited physical contact with Madeleine as a result of this new chemo she's getting. Something from it excretes from her pores that is extremely irritating to the skin and toxic to us. For those 2 & 1/2 days we bathed her every morning and every night and kept the temp up in the room so her little naked body wouldn't be cold. Even the friction of the diaper fastened to her could cause "burns" - it feels like itchy rug burn - to her skin so she stayed naked without anything on her but a little blankey lightly draped over her torso and no skin-to-skin contact from us. For a breastfeeding baby, that is punishment. Like a good girl she really tried to take milk from the bottle and she got enough to take the edge off, though not nearly as much as she would normally eat. It was even hard for Daddy who wanted so badly to kiss her and pick her up. Late Sunday night we bathed and dressed her to get her up out of bed to play, talk and shower her with cuddles and kissies. We enjoyed her smiling face and cooing for a little while and it wasn't long before she wanted to nurse and go back to sleep.

Today [Monday] Madeleine will get her stem cell transplant!! The big show won't be happening until the end of the day, after 5pm, as close to 48 hours post-chemo as possible. So sometime this evening I can give another update how that goes, though everyone is telling us they expect it to be pretty uneventful but with lots of people for all the necessary precautions. By the end of the week we can expect her to begin feeling ill and counts to drop as a result of the chemo, though Dr tells us she should recover a little better with the stem cell rescue. Again, a lot of wait and see...