Sunday, February 16, 2014

Holding On

Today I really tried.
Long ago I got into the very bad habit of saving nearly every article of clothing for Madeleine. We've got every season from NB to size 6/M and everything in between.
Why am I keeping all of these clothes?? I really cannot get rid of Madeleine's- maybe one day but it isn't going to be soon... when it's all you have left, most mothers of angels will tell you we keep all the toys and clothes and pictures like treasures. What about everything else?
My head knows as well as my heart: I'm not saving them for anyone. So why not just get rid of them?
I really want to believe that God is not done with growing our family, that maybe one day we will have a little one to dress again. I want to believe with all of my heart.
So today I filled up one bag of clothes. Just one. When I could outfit an entire little girl's boutique, I filled up one bag of clothes to pass along.
As far as I'm concerned, that's progress.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Valentine's Day

Although this picture was not taken on Valentines Day for some reason it makes my heart sail and explode with love. Her shining face and electric smile capture me and I'm comforted. 

I miss you like crazy mamas. Happy Valentines Day my sweet.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Girl Friends & Sisters

Annalise has been at school now for 6 months and it has been such a positive experience for her to be with other kids. This afternoon on the playground she and 3 of her little girl friends discovered the white blooming weeds in the schoolyard. They each picked a bouquet to give to someone. They all came running across the yard, bouquet in hand, except my little one. She stayed behind, kneeling in the grass. One of the girls gave hers to her babysitter. Another wanted to save hers tightly in her hand to share with her sisters. Annalise picked a spot between two trees to bury hers for Madeleine. 

She came back to tell me what she had done. She met back up with her friends, and wanted to show them her little buried bouquet. 
Now they are ladybug hunting. Every little girl loves ladybugs. To us, ladybugs are Madeleine showing us she misses us. I would not be surprised if Annalise is sharing that with her friends, and I'm almost curious to know what they will say tonight to their parents at home. "Mom, can you believe Annalise has a sister who is a ladybug??" "Mom, Annalise said her sister DIED… is that true?"  

My prayer continues to be that she will always be sweet in her memories of her sister, and that her friends will try to comfort her when she says she's sad or misses her sister.