Dear Madeleine,
Today has been such a trying day. I think Daddy and I both have been neglecting our hearts because it was such a hard day. Eight years ago, we were elated! Walking on clouds! You were our second beautiful baby girl. Your 2 year old sister proudly wore Big Sister t-shirts, and we were such a little happy party of four.
Why?? Why, my love were you chosen? Why did this happen to us!!? Almost seven years since you left us, and we still cannot process what's happened. We miss you so terribly! Annalise does too. We have this awful, special bond because the three of us loved you, held you....lost you. The little girls know you; they know your smile, your toys. But they don't share what we share. They are too little still to understand why mommy, daddy and sister are crying on a birthday. Aren't we supposed to sing and blow out candles? Isn't it a happy day?
Madeleine, you blessed me beyond measure. I will always thank God for giving you to me, to us. I'd do it all again if it meant I got to have you in my arms again. I'm just so sad tonight baby, and I'm sorry. I'm truly so sorry to cry on your birthday. We just miss you so much and wish so badly you were alive. This morning Violet said on the way to school that she heard you say, thank you Mommy, when I said happy birthday baby. Her pure, gentle heart made me feel at peace. The rest of the day was just unbearable. I miss you, my darling. I wish you were here. I wish I knew who you would be and what your voice sounded like as an 8 year old. I will always miss you baby. I love you so much Madeleine. Good night my sweet angel!!
