Day 134

I'm sitting here on what could very well be our last night spent in the hospital for Madeleine's treatment.

WOW, WE'VE MADE IT...

And this evening, it became so incredibly clear to me how exponentially harder this journey would have been without Jeff physically by my side every single day. With very important appointments happening today, Annalise spent last night and most of the day with Daddy at home and they came to visit us in the afternoon. We haven't seen her in over 2 weeks and after 6 months of this, it has definitely taken it's toll on her too. We had so much fun, just smiling at each other laughing, playing, hiding in the closet. After a few hours it was time to go, say goodbye. Kissing them both bye bye, watching Daddy lean over sleeping Madeleine to kiss her nose and whisper good night, I walked out of the room and watched them walk down the hall hand in hand - and it hit me like a ton of bricks - I really don't know how parents and families make it through this being splintered. I'm choked up now thinking about how much harder it all would have been to do this night after night after night. I realize now why Jeff tells me that just by me being here with him brings him peace. Because to be without him I do not feel complete; I feel anxious and a little bit lonely, and like I said this is only the 3rd time in over 6 months we've spent the night apart with the kids.

There is another family I follow, the Adams family, going through something very, very similar. One of their sons underwent the surgery in order to be his brother's bone marrow donor. WHOA. They've also lost their daughter to the same disease for which they are currently treating their son. UNBELIEVABLE. I try to remember Ginger in my prayers every day because I know what I'm going through and I can't imagine being in her shoes. In their blog posting tonight she so candidly wrote about how awful hospital living is (she's right), how much she misses her other children (it rips a mother's aching heart out), the sight of her son's blood on his shirt and how frightening that can be (I nearly convulsed into a panic seizure when Madeleine did it after her tumor resection surgery) and about the difficulty of not being with her husband. Again, this resonated so heavily with me because they are fighting their son's disease together yet apart, something I feel that I would surely fail at had that been our only choice. Thank God our intense journey was only 176 days long. Somehow God provided for us to be together. And it has made all the difference in the world. For us. For Madeleine.

Please say a prayer for the Adams' family.