Radiation half way done

Madeleine has had two full weeks of radiation clinic- no eating 6 hours before the treatment, getting up before everybody and silently leaving the house, westside traffic, find parking, fight for a spot in the elevator, wait for anesthesiologist (sometimes), carry our precious girl into the Linac, then hold/play with her till she feels the sedation medication. (If you've ever had the unfortunate experience of holding a small pet being put down, this is very comparable; no matter the frequency, it still feels & looks the same). I rarely watch her face as she goes under just because I literally feel sick to my stomach. I gently close her eyes with my hand give her a kiss and place her little body up into the head pieces made especially for her, and leave, heading back to the exam room. She's usually out of my sight for about 20 minutes until I hear the heart monitor coming down the hall. Then sit and wait another 20-30 minutes for her to wake up from her induced nap. Madeleine wakes up quickly, even moreso than the average afternoon nap- she usually manages to get her knees under her and her face on the sheet in 7 seconds and the Nurse or I better be quick to stabilize her before she rolls to one side as she comes to. She then will nurse before we leave, sometimes falling back asleep in the comfort of mommy.

On Tuesdays our day is 3x as long; after radiation clinic we go upstairs for hem/onc clinic and labs. And that's a whole other story of hurry up and wait. By the time we get home Annalise is usually out of her bed and in mine, waiting for us. She comes running to say hello, "you're back" and give us hugs and kisses, one of my favorite moments, though typically short lived. As a family we're all getting adjusted to yet another new normal, before it changes again in December.

sisters 11/8

Dr Lazareff came Friday morning before treatment to look over Madeleine. He said he's really not concerned about the few things we have noticed, such as her eyes wide open or tilting her head backwards to see. She also still has the minor paralysis on the right side of her face. It's not terribly noticeable unless you know it already. There's a discrepancy over what's causing it, though we've talked it over and decided it's of little significance and best to let it lie until after the treatment is over. She is showing signs of irritability, moments where she is really ticked and not even us holding her relaxes her. She has just recently started eating less, both solids and nursing, though it's something we've expected, the loss of appetite. She started the anti-nausea med last week and that has totally controlled her vomiting. 

The hardest part of this treatment is probably the lack of patience we all have for the necessary parts of our every day. It would seem as though the day would be easily planned: radiation in the morning, drive home,  clean the floors, get everybody fed, clean up kitchen, naps (if we're lucky), clean the floors, prepare for dinner and maybe some sort of laundry or other cleaning. Instead, radiation is always dependent upon the group of patients rather than the individual; waiting on the docs; patience in the traffic (405 is a nightmare), etc. Each of Madeleine's feedings is a production that she and I both have little patience for, though I think we're both trying. She hates taking her medicine anymore, the chemo must really taste yucky even though it really doesn't smell. She has been experiencing itchiness all over her face and rubs quite a bit even with moisturizer as well as during meals so we basically bathe twice a day = more time. Saturday and Sunday she gets a break from the chemo and seems to be when she is the sleepiest and most fatigued; she must be catching up from the beat down during the week, though she really has been handling it well. I think all the time how much harder this could be if she could sit up and yell at me what's bothering her, how everything makes her feel, etc. 

We've got another 13 treatments. Not sure yet exactly what the plan is after that. Keep praying to God this treatment works.