Radiation Complete

Each morning for the last 6 weeks Madeleine's nurses would almost race to see her first, to have Madeleine exclaim "hiiiiiiiii!" at them and seemingly make their day. They frequently took turns carrying her, playing peek a boo or letting her bang away at the computer keyboard on their lap. Not always playtime but enough down time waiting for our turn for all the nurses to get their "baby fix." Really- so cute.

Last day of radiation

This morning was Madeleine's final radiation treatment, and as usual she stole the hearts of her nurses who are happy she's completed and sad to see her go. She was presented with a Certificate of Excellence, a gold medal and some cute new toys. =)

Tomorrow we have regular check up in the clinic with labs and Madeleine is done for the week on Friday when she finishes up this last chemo dose. She has lost a tiny bit of weight from the loss of appetite and the little bit of nausea and vomiting she's had; she has been a Crabby Patty the last week and sleeps a little more- all to be expected, even sooner than when these symptoms showed up. We do expect all these to improve and quickly. She will have weekly checkups provided she is doing well without fevers or colds until January 10, her next scheduled MRI. She will go a full 30 days without any treatment so on the 10th they'll be checking to see if this treatment is successful. We of course are remaining prayerfully hopeful. It's one of those huge, huge things- extremely faithful people say turn it over to God, do not carry that burden; for the most part I think we do that. It's the extremely difficult part of knowing in your mind what reality is and Madeleine is in fact a recurrent patient, even if her protocol calls for radiation and we had to forgo it initially. Other babies on this protocol are about 6 months and 8 months older than Madeleine, were treated later in their little lives than she and immediately after stem cell rescue, and are to date both evident disease-free. That's the hope we're holding onto. There aren't any guarantees with this monster, other than how truly awful and devastating it can really be.

12/10/12 commercial kid =)

An Aunt of mine explained Madeleine's happy and adventurous personality as she knows and trusts in God that He is keeping her in the palm of His hand so she's not scared. In heaven or on earth, our babies are safe and trust in God. It's all the rest of us who are not as close to Him that fear. It's so hard to take a lesson from them!! But that's our age and time in this world... there is something truly amazing about their innocence. Sometimes it's very difficult to remain positive when you know other children with the same tumor are losing their fight or have lost. Two little girls called to heaven last week. That's just two too many. I don't allow myself to think about what if for Madeleine; she needs our positive vibes more than anything. However especially late at night my heart aches for these little children, their parents. Last night I was leaning on my elbow as I was reading a blog and about funeral arrangements, and finally realized I physically felt like I was being pushed into the chair with tremendous pressure, forceful almost. Whether it was the self-imposed weight of these catastrophes on myself, or truly the devil leaning upon me to infiltrate fear into my heart, it did not work. I felt like a true knight guarding her with my sword from the devil, she will not be taken or harmed on my watch, I'll be damned. Though I did go to bed with a heavy heart for my new friend I've never met in Texas who has valiantly come to peace in her heart over the cancer that invaded her precious 4yr old daughter and claimed her Thursday night. I saved one of her pictures last night so I can pray for her each time I see it.  I've thought about creating a photo "bouquet" of the angels we've known of along the way as part of everything else I'm saving or creating for Madeleine's journey in the effort of teaching her just how precious her life really is when she is old enough to understand. Most parents look forward to milestones so far into the future like going off to college & wedding days; we are keeping the hopes very high just to see her start kindergarten and have First Communion.

Please say a prayer for the mothers of little Kaylynn (California) and Hayden (Texas) as they grieve their princesses.