Whether you run, walk or drive through your neighborhood, most people enjoy the sound of children's laughter on a school or a park playground. Unless you are heartless, a baby's big belly laugh will certainly make your face hurt from smiling so much. These sounds are like little ringing bells of instant happiness in a world of constant noise. Children laughing are adult reminders of innocence, when stress did not exist in our lives or a time to escape whatever responsibility there was and play. When I was pregnant with our first child, it happened more than once when I awoke to my bed gently shaking from Jeff watching and laughing at YouTube videos of baby laughs in the middle of the night. He was already looking forward to those moments of being a Daddy, and it made him instantly happy to see babies laughing.
So far, after losing my child to such a deadly disease, the only things I can come up with as to why God takes these children home so early is that his playground needs more. Heaven needs more happiness (if that's even possible) and children laughing. Because our children who died from suffering are now laughing and healthy in heaven - Good Lord, what an awesome thought!!!!!! To imagine hearing my baby laugh again when her last day she couldn't; to think of her walking, running, being a happy child! Oh, that brings me such joy! and so many tears at the same time. How I wished I could have given her that, though I can't think that God stole that blessing from me, because it just wasn't within my power- it was within His, in His way.
And when one child goes to heaven, they cannot be alone; they must be welcomed by other angels, other children, with smiles and hugs and cupcakes and toys and running through the grass and merry go rounds and sing-along songs. I know Hayden was there with a big, beautiful smile and open arms to hug and welcome Madeleine when Jesus brought her to God's playground. And I hope that beautiful image gives her Mama the peace it gives me. I know Kaylynn and Jude were there with pretty toys in hand to sit and play in the grass with Madeleine. And I am proud to know that Madeleine was the reception angel when EJ arrived, and I hope she lifted her arms to Grant when he arrived this morning, to pick her up and do twirly whirlies. How my heart breaks that in our little ATRT community, so many children are going home to the Lord, even when they successfully beat the cancer for more than 5 years. Those were our Hope Angels on earth, those of us who had littler ones battling for the first time. And now, our faith is challenged again, because this wasn't supposed to happen. None of it was supposed to happen; but when a child is 5 years cancer free, over 5 years old, this isn't supposed to happen!! For some reason, heaven needed Grant the Great.
And this is the other thing I am learning: the children left behind affected by a child's death- sisters, brothers, cousins, friends- are wounded, confused, yet incredibly compassionate children. They are emotional, sensitive, and they talk about death and heaven to the shock of other parents like it's what they had for breakfast. Because in their world, it is their world to be missing someone very important. My 6 year old nephew has been staying with us for a few weeks, and yesterday he confessed to me that every night Annalise has told him that she misses her sister so much- to my surprise, because I did not realize she could express herself in this very clear way. And it occurred to me that she knows Momma and Daddy are sad because Sister had to die, and she doesn't want to be the one to make us sad this time, when she needs to say something. My youngest sister Jordyn has been overwhelmingly impacted by Madeleine that she took her emotions to school and found a way to express her sorrow by sharing with her classmates. Remember Cold Springs Middle School? They raised over $1500 of their own money, 6th-8th graders, in hopes of Madeleine's recovery. Her entire school was devastated when she died. Our little 15-month old Madeleine has profoundly changed young adults and teachers in a little school in Nevada that she never got to see that they are dedicating a full spread in their yearbook to Madeleine's memory and what she taught them. They have also talked about doing a physical memorial at the school so future generations will know how she changed them in the 2012 school years. I would not be at all surprised if we end up a with stem cell scientist, research biologist, pediatrician or pediatric oncologist from that group of young people.
Today I am thinking and praying for Grant's 3 siblings because they are hurting and struggling to understand why their brother has gone to heaven. And there is no doubt in my mind that as a result, they will be very compassionate and aware adults as a result of losing their baby brother.
God bless the Schellhorn family in Iowa.
And this is the other thing I am learning: the children left behind affected by a child's death- sisters, brothers, cousins, friends- are wounded, confused, yet incredibly compassionate children. They are emotional, sensitive, and they talk about death and heaven to the shock of other parents like it's what they had for breakfast. Because in their world, it is their world to be missing someone very important. My 6 year old nephew has been staying with us for a few weeks, and yesterday he confessed to me that every night Annalise has told him that she misses her sister so much- to my surprise, because I did not realize she could express herself in this very clear way. And it occurred to me that she knows Momma and Daddy are sad because Sister had to die, and she doesn't want to be the one to make us sad this time, when she needs to say something. My youngest sister Jordyn has been overwhelmingly impacted by Madeleine that she took her emotions to school and found a way to express her sorrow by sharing with her classmates. Remember Cold Springs Middle School? They raised over $1500 of their own money, 6th-8th graders, in hopes of Madeleine's recovery. Her entire school was devastated when she died. Our little 15-month old Madeleine has profoundly changed young adults and teachers in a little school in Nevada that she never got to see that they are dedicating a full spread in their yearbook to Madeleine's memory and what she taught them. They have also talked about doing a physical memorial at the school so future generations will know how she changed them in the 2012 school years. I would not be at all surprised if we end up a with stem cell scientist, research biologist, pediatrician or pediatric oncologist from that group of young people.
Today I am thinking and praying for Grant's 3 siblings because they are hurting and struggling to understand why their brother has gone to heaven. And there is no doubt in my mind that as a result, they will be very compassionate and aware adults as a result of losing their baby brother.
God bless the Schellhorn family in Iowa.
Veronica...that was a beautiful entry. I will send my prayers on behalf of the Schellhorn family tonight.
ReplyDeleteSuch a stunning entry. A beautiful positive perspective of God working in strange and mysterious ways. So uplifting.
ReplyDelete