Mother's Day

This morning I have been a yo-yo. 

Big sister on Mother's Day

I woke up to a precious, sweet little voice over the phone who so perfectly said "Happy Mother's Day," "I love you," and informed everyone she saw that "I'm talking to my Mommy." =) She put the biggest smile on my face! It has been 21 days since we've seen Annalise and I was holding onto every thread that we would be discharged today so I could run to her sweet, laughing smiling face when she opened the gate and exclaimed "MOMMY!!" like she did the last time I went to pick her up. Awh!!!!!!!!!! those memories break my heart wide open with gratitude and love. I miss her terribly.

The resident doc came by while Madeleine and I were talking to Annalise over the phone: her ANC has come up to 500! but we need it to be 1,000 before you can go home. I was crushed. I was quiet. I didn't even look at her as she gave me the rest of the morning report (all good news) and asked if there was anything she could do. She even apologized. I am (much to the chagrin of my sweetheart) an open book; I wear my emotions on my sleeve, or rather, all over my face. I can't help it, it's just who I am. Unfortunately everyone knows when I'm upset and it isn't the first time that the doctors or nurses have responded to simply the look on my face. The resident must have mentioned something to our nurse because she too came in ready to comfort me, apologizing. I felt justified in my tears and my silent anger - the reason they are keeping Madeleine is to wean her from one of the medications since that can't be done at home; but of course I was focused on the ANC number - her counts can come up at home - if that's the only reason it's not good enough.

Dr. Davidson and the fellow came in a short time after that and were very empathetic; too much almost. Because instead of being grateful and appreciative that Madeleine is not sick, does not have a fever, does not have an infection, does not have something more serious than a low ANC - I was bellyaching about not going home. This Mother's Day could be so much worse!! What in God's name is my friggin problem! Yes I miss Annalise terribly, but she's doing great and she's healthy and she's going to have a lovely day dressing up like a little lady and whatever the grandparents have in mind for the family she is going to enjoy. Our Madeleine is doing great, albeit her recovery is slower than last cycle and we're so incredibly sick of being stuck at the hospital - but she's well. The all, most important thing that matters in our life: she's well. 

Lord, please forgive me of my selfishness and for initially taking this day for granted. Thank you for two healthy children, their laughter and smiles, and for my rock, Jeff. Lord, thank you for blessing our family. Please continue to be with Lisa and Lucas; send your guardian angels to protect him and embrace his mother with your love that she would have no hesitation in putting all her faith in You to keep her son safe. In Jesus' name!

My Mother's Day gift

Daddy has said it on so many occasions: there's going to be a lot of "do-overs" next year. He's right. Yes, we've missed out on all of our holidays (the important ones and the Hallmark ones) but it's temporary and it's for good reason. We're saving Madeleine. 

(In your prayers today, please pray for Baby Lucas and his mother Lisa. We know each other by 6 degrees of separation. Lucas is undergoing his first cycle of chemo after having his second CPC brain tumor removed, and he's currently in the PICU fighting an infection & fever. Lisa is enduring her greatest fears that I know all too well; please pray for them both.)